Now that we’re well into the summer season, I’ve had a chance to figure out what I want and what I don’t. I don’t know about you, but I usually try to hold back on buying a bunch of clothes in the beginning of the summer season when we’re inundated with trends to avoid buying things that are not really going to be useful to me. But right around this time, I’m usually certain of what I need, and feeling the sting of what my closet is missing if I don’t have it. So I took the time to round up ten pieces I think will serve me well this summer. Everything from a watermelon cooler, which I luckily bought at the beginning of the season, to a high-waisted jean skirt which I still need to get.
Jealousy is not a coveted character trait. There’s the jealous girl in the movies who we all love to hate. Or the jealous friend who stopped talking to us when we got the job she wanted. How about the jealous classmate who always seems to be prying in our business and constantly trying to one-up us in class. No one wants to be that girl (or guy). Jealous people are bitter, resentful, and plain old pathetic. And in a perfect world, that is NOT us. We like to think of ourselves as pretty good people. So to consider the possibility that we may harbor jealous feelings, even some of the time, doesn’t sit well with us. It creates what is known as cognitive dissonance. That’s the discomfort we feel when we hold two opposing ideas. One of the ways we deal with the discomfort is to explain it away, or suppress it. In fact, we may not even be consciously aware of our own jealous feelings and behaviors. But jealousy doesn’t go away just because we ignore it. Instead it grows, and shows itself in ugly, mean-spirited ways. Of course, feeling jealous does not necessarily mean we are bad people. The key is to use jealous feelings to make ourselves better by dealing with it directly. And to help with this process, I came up with five good qualities you probably have if you catch yourself feeling jealous.
1. Jealous people are sensitive. Essentially, jealousy is the feeling that someone has something you want, but can’t seem to get. There is a feeling of lack, and it creates the sense that life has not been fair to you. This makes you more sensitive to situations in which you are treated unfairly. In fact, you notice things people don’t. You may even find yourself seeking out proof of personal injustices just to support your belief that things are not fair to you. No, none of this feels good. But if you look a little closer, your sensitivity can be a valuable asset. Just as you are sensitive to injustices, you can also be sensitive to those moments when things go your way, when you get blessings you didn’t necessarily deserve, or when someone makes a kind gesture on your behalf. With your keen eye, you have the ability to notice things that make you feel grateful rather than hateful.
2. Jealous people are creative. Jealous people are known for blowing single incidents out of proportion and making sweeping generalizations. It’s called catastrophizing. Let’s say your boss didn’t notice all the hard work you put into a project, and instead raved about your co-worker’s project whom you know didn’t work half as hard as you. But instead of brushing it off, you’re feeling a whole lot of jealous, and before you know it, the “I can’t believe (s)he didn’t notice me” and “Why did (s)he get noticed” turns into “No one ever notices me” and “Everyone else always gets noticed but me.” The one incident tends to take on a larger than life quality, and this is how many jealous people cope with feeling fed up. Sometimes it feels easier to wallow in the idea that life is against us because it’s too painful to hope for the best and get let down. But few of us realize how much creativity (and not to mention energy) it takes to make our experiences fit into a negative worldview. Just like an expert weaver, we have to tease, pick, and parcel out all the half-truths and inaccurate or unhelpful thoughts we’ve gathered from negative experiences all while ignoring the positive ones, just to create a worldview we think is easier to manage. It’s so much work— no wonder why we feel drained. But just as we can create a negative worldview based upon negative experiences, we can create a positive worldview based upon positive ones. Since so many of our circumstances are outside of our control anyway, why not focus on the positive experiences more often. It will make you feel much happier and way less tired.
3. Jealous people are tenacious. You may spend your time focusing on the successes of others because you can’t get past the unfairness of it all. But you’re smart, and already know the effort you’re expending on those you deem more privileged isn’t logical; yet you feel stuck, and like a bad case of magical thinking, there’s the sense that mulling over it will change things somehow. While it isn’t healthy to be consumed with the lives of others (although social media makes it so darn easy), the intensity with which you do it, is actually a misuse of your tenacious spirit. I mean, imagine what you can accomplish if you refocused that energy inward? How much more would your gifts, talents, and creativity flourish?
4. Jealous people are analytical. Not only do you catch yourself focusing too much on the successes of others, but you make comparisons with a fine-tooth comb to explain why things haven’t worked out. Thoughts like “Oh she had more opportunity to practice than I did, ” or “I had three jobs and couldn’t get anything done but he didn’t have to work,” or “She had help, I didn’t,” probably sound really familiar. We do this to make ourselves feel better, yet many of us fail to realize the critical thinking skills we are using. This is because unresolved insecurities causes us to let our emotions override our intellect and ability to think thoughts that are way more helpful, accurate, and healthy. If we made good use of our intellect and used those analytical skills to compensate for emotional weaknesses, it can really go a long way to resolving those “chips on the shoulder” (is that a term?). It may be difficult to do at first, but remember you have tenacity, *wink*.
5. Jealous people are strong. I know it doesn’t always feel like it, but the truth is most people who find themselves feeling jealous have been in a struggle, a struggle to overcome long-standing insecurities and self-doubt that was never conquered. But the very fact that you are in a struggle, means you are trying to deal with it. And when we deal with feelings of jealousy instead of trying to pretend it isn’t there, jealousy will begin to lose it’s power. Then we can realize the strength we had along along, but didn’t know it. ♥
Hi Folks! It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted and I’m so happy to be posting again. I didn’t intend to be gone these last couple of weeks. I’ve just been really busy with work and family responsibilities. Sometimes it can be difficult when you’re trying to do it all, but I’m committed to making things work, even when it feels like there’s not enough time in the day, or enough resources to do what needs to get done. Sometimes all we have is motivation and determination, and if so, well Gosh Darnit, I say make the best of it.
This week I’m excited to share another installment of Different Time, Same Style or what I’d like to call DTSS. It’s among my favorite to write, yet also one of the most challenging. I’m fascinated by history and have always been intrigued by how people dressed and did things in the past. So I thought it would be cool to reinterpret the style and wardrobe of people in past eras based upon what I’d think they would wear if they were the same age today. Of course, no one really knows for sure how we would dress in a different time period. I’d like to think I’d be chic and stylish, but that would depend upon a combination of factors such as the social-cultural standards of the day, the expectations imposed by my family or immediate environment, my financial status, and the list goes on. As you can see, figuring out what I’d wear is no easy feat. But it’s not so much about being accurate as much as it’s about conveying a thoughtful reinterpretation of styles from past eras. And isn’t that what inspires the collections of countless fashion designers? My ability to create a thoughtful re-interpretation stretches as far as my creativity will take me, and taking creative liberties is the best part.
So without further ado, meet my newest DTSS muse, my friend’s mom. She has such a graceful and endearing quality, and when I saw pics of her in the 70’s, it all made sense. I mean, of course she was a chic and modern working mom of two! I did some digging and learned that in the 70’s, she worked as the personal secretary to Governor Shapp of PA. He started the Peace Corp as a way to help provide technical assistance to other countries, and expose the US to different cultures. No how’s that for a fun fact. I imagine my friend’s mom being immersed in an atmosphere where worldliness and a blending of ideas from different cultures were strongly encouraged. Still, the 1970’s was a transitional time for moms. The June Cleaver image was fading away, but the concept of a working mom was considered cutting edge, and from her attire, it’s clear my friend’s mom was part of the new wave of stylish, working moms. Think Mary Tyler Moore minus two kids.
Below are pics of my friend’s mom going to the Governor’s ball (1), out and about with the Governor at a construction site (2), with her children (3), and spending some time at the water front (4). She’s super cute, and if she was the same age today, I bet her wardrobe would be no less modern. In fact, most of the current trends reference the 70’s so if she was transported to 2015, I’d bet her wardrobe would be an ode to her 70’s self. Don’t you think? See how I interpreted DTSS for her below.
I’ve always wanted to pen a column. And for several years, I did. It was a quarterly column about research and its impact on practice for an esoteric psychology journal. Not exactly easy reading, but it worked for the journal. I got the chance to interview psychologists about the cool research they were doing, like relationship, design psychology, and creativity research. It was all part of my plan to develop my own research career. I figured while I was reviewing their work, I could hone my own research project and perhaps even collaborate with some of them. It was a solid plan. But after I made the decision to grow my business and blog, I stopped writing the column so that I could use the time to recreate one I’d be able share with the masses. One that would allow me to interview cool people, doing cool things. That’s how The Truly Profiles was born (formally known as Truly Inspired By). My plan is to interview people with a wide range of interests and careers— the only requirement is that they must have a passion for what they do. So when I came upon the work of Dr. Tiffany Tuttle, I knew I was onto something. I was thrilled to find that she was a psychologist like me and still had enough time in her day to design products and run a shop, Spazz Happy Line Design. Her self-effacing humor sets her apart and reminds us all to relax a little and not take ourselves too seriously. When I reached out to her for an interview, she couldn’t have been more inviting, and agreed to do the interview immediately! Read on to see what Dr. Tiff Tutt had to say about how she balances her roles as a clinical psychologist and creative entrepreneur. And I’ve included pictures of her book and designs for you to peruse while reading.
TB: So you’re a psychologist, blogger, shop owner, and author. Let me first start off by saying I think it’s amazing you have been able to pursue so many of your passions. What motivated you to make it all happen?
TT: Thank you for the kind words, I feel the same way about you and all you seem to be juggling, with so much grace and style to boot! About pursuing multiple passions… I am able to do so because I have always enjoyed the process of creating + completion. Be it an idea, a drawing, a piece of writing, a degree, or even a batch of cookies, no matter how big or small, I genuinely derive meaning out of creating/doing and the process of completion. I’m not always fast at making things happen, and at any given moment I likely have 5 things on the burner and 3 up in the air, but being in process is part of the process, and I’ve learned to be patient. It was also modeled to me early on to not half-ass anything and to take pride in your work, so part of what makes “making” rewarding for me is that I take pride in and value my work. So my motivation is from the feelings of joy, value, fulfillment and validation I get when I am able to work hard, vest my energies into something, creating that “something,” and completing my vision to the best of my abilities.
TB: I totally agree. Like you, I spend a lot of time doing clinical work, and while I enjoy helping others, being able to create something for people to enjoy is really important to me. Your creativity is evident not just in your designs, but also in your writing, and you’ve described yourself as an atypical psychologist. Share a little about what that means to you and how it shapes your work?
TT: I often describe myself as an “atypical psychologist” because I’m pretty energetic and my language is not always PC. Not that I have a filthy gutter mouth all the time, but I am known to use some pretty vivid language when describing something, or offering a client an analogy. For example, I describe my latest self-help book as “taking the ‘sigh’ out of ‘psychology’ ” and being “…a toilet of enlightenment that will teach you how to flush your problems away.” I am goofy and I think that comes across as non-threatening to many. I mean yes, I have my doctorate and I know when to shut up and just listen, it’s not like I’m doing stand-up comedy in my therapy sessions. I know it’s not about me in there, it’s about my client and the work which I can have some part in facilitating so that person can heal and grow. I find that using colorful language supports the client’s process sometimes. Plus being quirky and goofy is who I am and I don’t know how to be any other way!
TB: Knowing who you are and what you’re on about makes life so much easier, and it certainly inspires others to be themselves. I don’t know many psychologists who also own a shop so you certainly are an inspiration. How do you balance your role as a psychologist with your role as a business owner? Do you find that you use your skills as a psychologist to run your business?
TT: Thank you Sarah, you are truly an inspiration as well! I find that my work as a business owner and psychologist blend well together. Since I like to “create” and “complete” as I mentioned earlier, being able to come home from a clinical day where you don’t visually see tangible “results” so to speak (because growth and change happen gradually), and use my hands to make something feels good. It’s also great because while I’m making my designs, I am still able to think and process ideas— creative ideas or just process things from my day. Everyday things that we all think about, family, friends, plans etc. And sometimes I just don’t think about anything and I just make. Of course some thought goes into structuring my designs and mathematics are involved, but I’ve been doing it for so long now that many of my designs are stored as rote memory.
And yes, indeed my psychology background comes into play as a business owner because when you’re in business you deal with people and all sorts of human behavior can come out! Being introspective and reflective of my own tendencies is certainly something that the study of psychology has helped me learn about. I am more aware of how to manage my own feelings when dealing with the different personalities of people who contact me. Having a handle on my feelings helps me manage questions— be they kind hearted or blatantly mean, in a respectful manner. And doing so makes me feel good. So being a psychologist has certainly enhanced my ability to manage a business, and helped me learn how to “think like a boss.”
TB: I’ve browsed through your lovely shop, and see that you sell everything from hanging planters, to frames, to holiday décor, all of which have a geometric, modern design. What inspired you to sell these particular products? Do you design them all yourself, and are they an extension of your personal style?
TT: My inspiration comes from the beauty of simplicity and minimal decor. I also love, as in totally LOVE, mathematics and geometry. Blending my adoration for these things helped me create all the various designs I fill my shop with. I love the clean lines, the negative space, and the shadows they cast as the sun goes down. Plus, as someone who constantly has loads of ideas swimming around her head— hence Spazz Happy (!), I’ve found that creating symmetrical designs instills a sense of balance. I find something very soothing about looking at a piece that captures symmetry with its balanced use of equal sized pieces. Those pieces are all precisely cut by hand by me, and they help to create a kind of mental peace and clarity. I do consider them an extension of my personality style, and having lots of variety for people to select from is definitely something I sought to do, because I like options myself!
TB: That’s awesome. And speaking of Awesome, Congratulations on your self-help book Being and Awesomeness: Get Rad, Stay Rad. How did you come up with the idea for the book?
TT: Thank you! I wrote my book “Being and Awesomeness: Get Rad, Stay Rad” because I wanted to be able to reach, teach, and empower all people. Since it uses the kind of humor I referenced above (non-PC) it is tailored to someone who is open to the idea of learning more about themselves— in order to be the baddest assed version of themselves, and can also laugh at seeing the word “weenie” or “dweeb” in order to illustrate a point. My goal was to take some of the most relevant topics I cover in psychotherapy and condense them into a useful handbook to humanize psychology and self-help (ie, make it approachable and non-threatening). Whether you think therapy is great, or you’re not impressed with it, this book is designed to help anyone willing to help themselves.
TB: Sometimes when we have varied interests, we tend to believe we have to pick one career because we think no one can be a psychologist AND a shop owner, AND have a family AND… [fill in your and]. What is your advice to someone who may want to pursue multiple career interests?
TT: Great question, my advice for pursuing multiple interests is GO FOR IT! I am not totally delusional, I realize there are many things in our life competing for our time and energy, and that there are only so many minutes in a day, but I also know that life without art is dull! And “art” doesn’t have to mean you went to art school. Art to me is the process of creating. Planting a garden, baking, taking a picture, and other things like interior design, sewing clothes, styling yourself, painting, welding etc., all qualify. You don’t have to be the best at what you do, but I encourage you to do it because you derive meaning and happiness from it. It is important to stay creative, to stay hungry and to stay unique because losing track of these things can make life so mundane. I mean, vegging out and watching movies at home with my husband is certainly a great night in my opinion, but it’s balanced out by the nights I spend up until 4 because I am in the mutha f*#%ing ZONE! And being in the zone is thrilling. Whether the world notices what I create or not, the meaning I get is from the process, and the process is from within. So don’t ever stop being creative- it does a body good!
TB: Woohoo! (virtual high-five). And if that doesn’t make someone want to get out and make something, I don’t know what will. Thanks Dr. Tiff for taking the time to share.
TT: THANK YOU so much for reaching out and taking the time to get to know me!
If you’d like to see more of Dr. Tiff Tutt’s work, just click on any of the links below:
Finally spring is in full swing, and what better time to spruce up the space a bit. I’ve always enjoyed learning about the newest trends, but I’ve never been one to follow them blindly. Usually when I learn of a new trend, I take a step back to see if it resonates with me, and if so, how I can make it my own. If I don’t think it will work for me, I leave it alone. I’ve also adamantly rejected trends, mostly because I get tired of seeing everyone do the same thing. This is one of the reasons I really appreciate trailblazers (Kelly Wearstler comes to mind) because they are not inclined to follow what everyone is doing. I remember when Kelly Wearstler featured her home in Domino way back in 2007-08, and many people didn’t understand it. Now fast forward years later, her unique blend of colors and homage to 70’s glam seems to be everywhere. But of course, this post is not about Kelly Wearstler or the 70’s. I’d like to share with you some trends that seem to be going strong, and are fairly easy to achieve for spring. Take a look:
Abstract patterns or as they are also known, blotting patterns, or bleeding colors, is a refreshing change from the very structured, graphic patterns we have been seeing the last couple years (Yes, I’m looking at you chevron). If you have a structured, symmertical graphic wallpaper or pattern in a room, the fluidity of an abstract pattern can add an extra dose of fun and excitement, perfect for an upbeat spring attitude.
I’m no green thumb, but with all these oversized, luscious plants I’ve been seeing in home décor, I think that’s about to change. Every home needs an organic element to enhance the space and make it feel alive (literally). And these oversized plants feel so glamorous and bohemian. I just love them.
Geometric shapes in fabrics and wallpaper have been going strong for some time. And while some geometric shapes seem to have grown tired, others feel new and fresh. I really enjoy unique geometric shapes in furniture and other household items (like that plant hanger. Love.) because we are so used to seeing the standard square, rectangular or circular shapes. I really fell in love with the side table above from Etsy, so much so that I bought it myself. But there are many more options out there.
I always love quirky wall art, and even more so when it’s mixed in with serious art. Because really, décor shouldn’t be all serious business and no fun, right? These images can add a light, fun touch to your very sensible walls.
I love the combination of blush and navy. Most people use black as their go-to dark color, and while I love black as much as the next person, I love that extra “something” that navy brings. It’s tailored, rich, and unexpected.
So what trends have you noticed this spring? Would you incorporate any of the trends mentioned above? ♥